My Morning Wal-Mart Adventure

I had to hit Wal-Mart this morning because I have a couple children with colds and I needed to get some vitamin C and a few other suppliments as well. Things were great. I went through check out, no waiting (way cool). Then I head over to customer service to return a package of card stock (customer service opens at 7:00 so I did my shopping first).

I get in line behind this man who has about twenty various small hardware items to return...from four different receipts. Of course he hasn't sorted which items go with which receipt so the girl behind the counter has to find each and every one. Yeah. Then he wants to purchase two other little things. Then he wants a gift card.

I'm standing behind him these TEN MINUTES with more people gathering and he has a conversation with the girl that goes like this:

Guy: Money transfers from Wal-Mart? How does that work?

Girl: You can have us transfer money from this Wal-Mart to any other Wal-Mart for another person to pick up.

Guy: How convenient. Everyone waits around for a Western Union and not everyone has one.

Girl: Yep.

Guy: So I can come here to shop and send money anywhere then?

Girl: Yes you can.

Guy: And someone else can pick it up?

Girl: Yes

I'm Thinking: No, you have to fly there and pick it up yourself, dumb-ass.

Guy: So, if I wanted to send money to someone in say, Florida, I could do that?

Girl: Yes, you could.

I'm Thinking: Yes, dumb-ass, she said ANY freaking Wal-Mart. That would include such incredibly remote places like Florida as well. Now why don't you ask about other distant places like California, Hawaii and Alaska while the rest of us STAND BEHIND YOU AND WAIT, dumb-ass. We have nothing better to do with our day.

Guy: That's pretty convenient. Thanks!

And he leaves all excited because he can wire money from Wal-Mart. It totally made his day.
I'm so freaking thrilled I can hardly stand it. Now please, just do my one return from my one receipt with three items on it so I CAN GO HOME. Thank-you. Now have an average day.

Well, this Bitch has had enough!

You see, I've asked my children repeatedly not to stomp around upstairs. They were told that the next time they did it they would walk the length of their room 100 times quietly so I don't hear them below. They didn't believe me. This morning they were thudding on the floor so hard that the candle sticks in my bedroom were vibrating. The two younger boys are walking it now. If I hear them and they are on number 99, they have to start over at one.

My second son pissed his pants again last night. Now if I promise a present in the morning or give him a gold dollar, he'll wake up dry 95% of the time. If he goings to get something, he'll wake up in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom. But if he isn't getting something, he just pisses and has me do his laundry.

This is unacceptable. He's nearly eleven.

He is now writing five pages front and back, "I will not pee my pants at night." Think it's mean? You come do his frigging laundry and replace the damned carpet. Yes, he has ruined carpet. After he pissed his sheets, he simply moves to the floor. Then he pisses there as well. All because he doesn't want to get his lazy ass out bed at night.

But we are not finished for my morning! ONCE AGAIN, there are clothes and shoes and toys, belonging to the three younger boys, all over their room and bathroom. They also get to write for that. And we have a rule in this house, "if you don't work, you don't eat." Well, they didn't have their work done before breakfast, so the kitchen is now closed. They have to complete their punishments and catch up with school before snack, or they miss that as well. Same goes for lunch, afternoon snack, dinner...

Not that any of this is a surprise to them. I've been telling them this would happen. They've missed dinner before because of their bedroom being a mess. I'm not going to yell any more. I'm tired of asking politely. I'm all out of nice from asking for the same thing over and over again. I sound like a broken record. **I wonder if today's youth know what that phrase means....** Anyway,

This. Is. The. End. Of. It.

My Bear is coming!!!

Which is good because I need someone to take sexy pictures of me for my new icon. I have a few awesome nekid pictures BUT I think that Bear would be pissed and Fred would go blind. Soooo we'll just have to see what we come up with while he's here.

I'm so happy I could pee my pants!

I've been turded.

Yes, Gordy the chicken dropped shit on my light blue sweater while relaxing on my shoulder. 'Nough said.

You Are a Coy Flirt

You may not seem like you're flirting, but you know exactly what you're doing. You draw people in, very calculatingly, without them even knowing. Subtle and understated, you know how to best leverage your sex appeal. A sexy enigma, you easily become an object of obsession.

What Kind of Flirt Are You?

I need a new picture... I'll think about that...

Hey! The Eagles. Hands. Freaking. Down. It always comes down to them. You know, I like Zepplin and Aerosmith (close second man...tough choice), Lynard Skynard and George Thorogood, but I always come back to the Eagles, man. I really like these guys. They're the Eagles! Yeah!

They're truly vercital. They have drinking music, smoking music, sexy stripping music, dirty stripping music, grinder stripper music, music for making love, playful sex or just flat out screwing. You can use it to chill out or to pump yourself up when the juices aren't flowing. When I listen to the Eagles I can feel the music. It's freaking great...

Hey, I know the Eagle's weren't there, but I think I would have enjoyed Woodstock. Hey, Bear! tell me, you think I would have enjoyed it? Wait...Maybe I was there. Maybe I did run around naked in the rain for three days. Maybe I'm having pastlife memory, Babe. That's why I like Yoga and meditation. Could've done free love. I'm damn good at that. All these great memories...and none of them are mine. Oh, hey.

But back to the Eagle's. Awesome. That's why I'm need to order Selected Works: 1972-1999, with the extended LIVE version of "Those Shoes" (you won't be disappointed...I promise), because I can't find those copies of mine and all I have is a little collections CD. Need. More.

And of course with the very close runner up Aerosmith, I must be getting Aerosmith: Greatest Hits for the song "Come Together" because, bear, I have the most amazing dance in mind for this one as well for your arrival in June.

And that's the music I'm dancing to. Let your mind wander away.

I need a microwave.

Actually, the kids have been asking for one. They miss microwave popcorn. I admit, I miss my microwave popcorn, too.

On another note...
I'd like to point out the handy, dandy little blue handicap icon conveniently located next to the letters you're suppose to type in to post a comment. If you click on it the letters will be read to you. It's so blind people can leave comments too...after reading your blog.

Good thinking.

Okay, I'm going to bed. Night.

Hey! I like this guy:

Immigrants Hope to Show Strength With Boycott

"You should send all of the 13 million aliens home, then you take all of the welfare recipients who are taking a free check and make them do those jobs," said Jack Culberson, a retired Army colonel who attended the Pensacola rally. "It's as simple as that."

Why Blonde Caucasion Females Should NEVER Wear an Afro: a Photo Essay

A new version of The Star Spangled Banner has been written in Spanish. There is a remix also coming out about the "mean laws" in our country that would send ILLEGAL immigrants back to their country.

You know what, if they keep this shit up there will be some MAJOR problems. You know what, allowing ILLEGAL immigrants to stay is an INSULT to all of the LEGAL immigrants who did the paperwork, waited in the lines, LEARNED THE DAMNED LANGUAGE, so they could be here.

I have no problem with people coming to this country BUT we NEED laws that control who comes in and who doesn't. We can't just pick and choose what laws we are going to enforce. Hey, if they're going to just let all of the illegals stay in this country because they have family here now, then we also need to say, "Hey, all of you people who committed other crimes before your children were born, we'll just pretend it didn't happen so you don't go to jail. Don't wanna hurt your kids." You know, you should have thought about the effects of your illegal behavior on your children BEFORE you had them.

I'm not a cold hearted person. Anyone who wants to come here through the proper channels, and are willing to speak ENGLISH, I welcome with open arms. I don't expect you to loose your heritage. Celebrate it. But don't come here and change OUR country to fit the one you left. Obviously the way things were done in your country did not work for you. So why the hell come here and try to turn this country into the one you left? You came here because it's better, you wanted a new life remember? New life means you must...
~C~H~A~N~G~E~.

And don't ask me to feel sorry for people who BROKE THE LAW and then are upset because they may have to pay the price. There are military personel who have married over seas who spend YEARS getting their spouses here. These are people are AMERICANS who not only PAY TAXES but PUT THEIR LIVES ON THE LINE to serve this county. If these most deserving persons have to wait to get their families here, why should non-American smoos get to stay because they snuck over the border or refused to leave when their visa expired?

Those. People. Broke. The. Law.

End of story.

And now The Star Spangled Banner is being butchered and used as a protest for this criminal act. I'm pissed.

Hand me a frigging gun.

And I know how this is going to sound, but uh, FACTS are that the higher the number of certain people, the higher the crime rate. Hmmmmm...let's figure that out. And don't give me some whiney bullshit response like, "They're poor, they have no choice." Listen, I live in a state and in a county with a large number of people living under the poverty level, yet, amazingly enough, very low crime rates. Hmmmm...most people don't even have to lock their doors, even those that live right across the street from the trailer park full of people living below the poverty level.

'Nough said.

Chernobyl's Legacy: a Photo Essay
I will warn you, it will make you cry. And it will make you very grateful for your life. Sometimes we all need a little reminder of just how well we have it.

I have cramps. Someone please pass me the Midol. Pass me the Midol and a baseball bat. And someone stupid to hit. Because I have cramps. And they suck.

HEY! Remember when this guy was considered sexy...and talented?

Yeah, me too. That would make us OLD. Yes that's it, we're getting old. That means that the clothes we use to wear in high school that went out of date, will soon become "retro."

On another old note...I went to the health food store today. It's 25 minutes away. It's run by Mennonites (they're like Amish people, but they drive cars and use electricity, and the women can wear dresses with some designs on them instead of sticking to blank, brown, and navy). I went there because I needed supplements. I needed supplements because I'm in the beginning stages of menopause and it sucks donkey yack.

So $77 later I have a bag of mint morsels, a bag of yogurt covered raisins, raw local honey, loose tea leaves (maybe I'll try reading them...HA! anyone know how to read tea leaves?), lavender flowers (I don't know why really...it seemed like a good idea at the time) and supplements that will hopefully prevent the night sweats that plague me every 30 or so days which force me to change my PJ's three times in one night and soak my bed sheets so I end up sleeping in the overstuffed arm chair in my room. Huh.

The creator is a man. I know this because the Goddess wouldn't do this to us.

I'd just like to make it known to all of my readers that MISS KENTUCKY won Miss USA. yes, Miss li'l ol' Kentucky (who was in our Tater Day Parade BTW) is now Miss USA. I feel so proud!

YEEEEEEEEEEE! HAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWW!

It's 3:45 in the morning and here I sit. Why? I'm so glad you asked. This is how my day has been thus far:

11:30 - Got to bed...finally

12:00 - Woke up to crying daughter who ate too much junk food today and puked all over herself while she slept. Bathed her, blew her hair dry, got her tucked up in a sleeping bag on my bedroom floor.

12:40 - Get back to bed.

1:30 - The alarm goes off on my special little radio that sends out obnoxious and loud beeping sounds whenever the National Weather Service puts out an advisory for our county. It's a tornado watch. wooo hooo. We get those all the time. Back to bed.

3:00 - A different type of obnoxious and loud beeping sound goes off. The red light starts to flash. I go running up the stairs, "Get to the basement! Get to the basement NOW!" The kids are champs and go heading downstairs to safety. I grab a few blankets on my way down.

Then I grab the alarm to take to the basement.

Silly me...It never occurred to me to check WHAT kind of warning it was. It's 3:00 in the morning and we were already under a tornado watch. See, the county next to us was being put under a severe THUNDERSTORM warning (hey...golf ball sized hail...). Of course, I couldn't tell the kiddos this because next time it really COULD be a tornado warning, then they wouldn't believe me.

So we sat in the basement for half an hour just to keep it real. Then I commended them on a job well done.

It was a good dry run. I was worried about how quickly they would react in the middle of the night. Now I know. Got all those sleepy heads of mine into the basement in under thirty seconds. I'm happy. I was planning on doing a middle-of-the-night tornado drill in the near future anyway. This worked out well.

Now they are in bed. And now, here I sit, because, hey! I'm not getting any sleep tonight because the storms are heading our way and I'm pretty darned sure that there will be a legit tornado warning for my area by 4:30 this morning. Why tease myself by lieing down in bed at all?

MY BEAR IS HERE!!!

MY BEAR IS HERE!!!

I only have him until Tuesday, so you won't be seeing me until Wednesday more than likely. Have a great weekend! Happy Easter!

My dryer blew up.

You see, first the belt broke. When I called about the belt I also informed them that my clothes were taking two hours to dry. Then the dumb ass repairman shows up with the wrong belt (he didn't think about checking the model number to see which one it needed, just hoped it would be a standard size...duh...). He tells me he'll order a belt to the house. It would arrive in 3-7 days. Then I could call him to come out and put it on. Seeing how I've repaired a washer motor before I asked him if I could just put the belt on myself. You see, five children no dryer is a pain. I'd already waited ten days for him to show up. Now I had another 3-7 for the belt to show, then another week for him to get out to put it on? Uh...no. Twenty dollars at the laundry mat each week wasn't sounding too good either. He quickly agrees saying that it would "save" him from having to come out here again. I put the belt on just like he said. It's not rocket science.

I press start.

Spin, spin, BOOM! POP! sparks, smoke out the back of the machine.

I quickly unplugged it from the wall. Then I called the warranty company back to call the people at Sears "incompetent dickheads."

So how was y'all's day?

Tator Day weekend was the first weekend of April. Here are some highlights. I have over 100 pictures.

See, it's a big holiday around here.

Yes, that's my six-year-old shooting a gun. If he practices enough, maybe he'll be able to start shootin' possums an' rabbits an' deer for dinner. Yeeeeeee-Haw!

Lookie! It's our town's new fire truck!

Ooooooo! Aaaaaah! Ain't it purty an' shiny?

Here comes the high school marching band. Don't laugh, folks, they're one of the best in the country and have performed for the President of the United States and have performed in college bowl games across the country.

Here's the end of the parade. At least 300 people on horseback. Next year I'll be in there with 'em.

Hey, did I mention the hand dipped corn dogs and the carnival? Fun was had by all. We can't wait for next year!

I'm sick. Send me your love.
I'm going back to bed.

"And thou shalt call her name Dumb Ass, for she shall be an idiot amoung dogs."

I know, she looks adorable, and she is. But truly, she's stupid. Last night we were hiding out in the basement waiting for the tornadoes to go away. Dumb Ass got up on one of the shelves in the laundry room. She got into my soap making supplies. She pulled out a bottle of castor oil. She chewed off the lid. She drank half a bottle.

Now some of you are already going, "Oh! My! NOOOOOO!" For those unaware of the effects of ingesting castor oil: it's a super laxative. I couldn't leave her outside. We were finally out of the tornado warning (tornados in the area) but were still under a watch for several hours (conditions are ripe). Plus, she sleeps in a crate so I was just hoping to get her outside as soon as she whined to go.

No such luck.

Whatever you can imagine, multiply it by 10...100...1000! Her cage was full of brown, slimy waterish...stuff. It was on her. It was on the floor. She shot it out her ass onto the brick wall.

Do you know how to get that stuff off of real bricks and mortar? You scrub it with a tooth brush and hot soapy bleach water. You open all the windows and bring in a small oscillating fan to blow the fumes away from you (super fumes because you clean the the stuff off the floor with straight bleach first so you can get to the wall). You have to do this so you don't gag to death and pass out. Then you scrub...for 45 minutes.

Yes, her name shall henceforth be known as Dumb Ass.

Aren't they adorable???!!!

These are baby Barred Rocks. They're good winter layers. This means that we won't need to set up artificial light during the short days of winter to make them lay eggs (sunlight is needed to stimulte a hormone in the hens' ovaries to make them lay). Later this week we might be heading out to Murray for a couple Aracona's as well. They lay colored eggs. Their nickname is the Easter Egg Chicken.

Bear said that he will clear the land for the chicken coop while he's here. Hopefully we'll get the concrete foundation poured as well.

Right now they're in a brooder, which is simply a cardboard box with a heat lamp over head. In about four months they'll start laying eggs, about three each a week.

You know I live in rural country America because after purchasing these two babies I had to run a few errands. The chicks went with me. We were in two grocery stores, a dollar, and a hardware store. No one could care less. In fact, everyone wanted to see them. See, people around here know that it's chick time. Most people around here have farm animals. It's a way of life. And it's the life we want.

On a different note...

I try to keep my blog non-political, but I'm pissed. I'm pissed because it is behavior like this that creates disharmony in our country. It also creates resentment and hostility between the races. Here are the undisputed facts:

* A member of Congress entered a building guarded by the Capital Police.
* Said person is NOT WEARING their required Congress member ID.
* Said person had just changed their looks.
* An officer asks said person THREE TIMES to stop.
* They ignore the officer's request.
* The officer touches this person to get them to stop.
* Congress member then hits the officer.

If this were say Mitch McConnell, Bill Nelson, or Mark Pryor, white males, there is no doubt they would be named as the cause of the problem (like when that white Congress member was stopped by airport security). There would be an apology made. If it were Shelley Berkley, JoAnn Davis, or Jean Schmidt, white females, more than likely, same thing.

But is wasn't any of the afore mentioned, it was Cynthia McKinney, a black female out of Georgia.

And she is playing the race card. Her official statement:

"Let me be clear. This whole incident was instigated by the inappropriate touching and stopping of me, a female black congresswoman," McKinney said. "I deeply regret that this incident occurred."

***I must note that her use of FEMALE congressWOMAN made me laugh. I thought the two were synonymous. Could there be a MALE congressWOMAN?***

Back on subject, I'm sure that this incident had nothing to do with:

Members of Congress wear identifying lapel pins and routinely are waved into buildings without undergoing security checks. McKinney was not wearing her pin at the time, and the officer apparently did not recognize her, she has said.

You did see that SHE ADMITTED not wearing her proper ID.

There are witnesses:

Several Capitol Police officials have said the officer involved asked McKinney three times to stop. When she did not, he placed a hand on her and she hit him, they said.

Well, I have an official statement of my own, "Let *ME* be clear. This whole incident was instigated by YOUR error and YOUR inappropriate lack of respect for the authority of the officer, a person who is there to protect you. I deeply regret that your head is up your ass."

Hey, my body let me sleep in this morning, 6:20, an extra 35 minutes, Woooo! Hoooo! I just had to share my joy.

Had quite the laugh this morning, thanks to AOL. There was great ad. The first just says, "Inspirational Newsletter," the the next slide said, "Have Better Sex," after that, "Get Promoted," the last one said, "Improve Your Career."

Anyone find the humor in this, especially since all the writers are women?