Thursday, November 30, 2006

She's pissed and crapped in my house once too often. This is bullshit! If I lock her in her cage she will hold it all damned night long. But if she has the run of the house she just pisses and craps wherever the hell she pleases. She is three years old and I've done all the doggie house breaking tricks out there. And yet Bitch Dog continues to use my house as a public toilet.

That is why she will be spending the night outside where it is going to be down in the 30's (we have a screen in back porch). I hope she enjoys herself. And tomorrow she looses her freedom. She will be fed at 6:30 and then locked in her cage. She will be given four potty breaks. She will no longer roam the house freely or run loose outside. She will live her life in the cage until she knocks it off.

That goes for Bear's little Pissy Dog, too. He's taken to running outside for an hour and then coming into the house to take his dump.

The cat's been relegated outside as well. WHY? Because she jumps up on my counter and rips into the bread or anything else on the counter even though she has food sitting out. Yes, she is now officially an OUT. DOOR. CAT.

There will be no more indoor animals. I don't care how cute, cuddly, cold, wet or hungry they may be live. No more indoor animals...except maybe a goldfish.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

We are expecting the first snow of the season on Friday. YEAH!!!

Friday, November 24, 2006

Two posts in one day...

George the goat died. I went down to the barn to let them out, and he was dead. He was too big to try and dig a hole for. I carried him out to the corn fields and laid him in the middle of the dry stalks.

I guess that's all there is to say.
I would like to take this moment to thank Bear for the most amazing sexual experiences he gave me Wednesday night in the tub after his arrival, and this morning. I will be smiling for days now. Thank-you, Bear!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Here is Katie alive and well and sticking her tongue out at me.

Here's a close up of my dog's wounds.

Here's a cute one of the cat comforting the dog. I just thought that was sweet.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

I ran over my dog today.

I was backing out of the drive way to drive down to the barn and let the goats in. I was barely moving, thank the Goddess, when I feel this "thump" and the van stops. I go into drive and move off of what I'd backed over thinking, "Please don't let it be a dog...please don't let it be a dog..." Of course, it was a dog.

I took her to the vet. She's needed staples and antibiotics and pain meds (think she'll share the pain meds???). She'll be recovering on the back porch. No playing with the goats or chasing squirrells for breakfast for the next week.

I picked her up and put her on one of the chairs on the back porch and covered her up with a towel so she'd stay warm tonight. Poor thing.

Maybe now she'll stop playing dodge car. There are only three cars on this road (two houses, dead end). She's now been hit by two of them. I hope this will be the last time.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

I had a startling realization about three of my children tonight at dinner:

My third son truly deserves the nickname they gave him at school..."Happy Gilmore". Then I looked at my fourth son and realized that I have a Gomer Pyle in my house that makes a great side kick for Gilmore. Then I heard son number two saying something and I realized I have a Gilligan as well.

Hmmmm....Gilmore, Gomer and Gillian...I think I shall start refering to them as such in my blog. I think I'll start calling the eldest son Fred Astaire...Freddy poke fun at him for dancing like a white boy. But gotta give him kudos for trying.

I was watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas and the Grinch was swinging from some wreaths and I SWEAR the song "Ice, Ice, Baby! Bum-badda-bum-bum-bum-bum" fits in just perfect there. Twas quite scary. Then I began to wonder why the PETA people don't ban that film from being shown. After all, here's this little itty dog just kicking the shit knocked or whipped out of it nearly the entire movie. And at the end? They feed him "roast beast"...a DEAD animal...and look close, folks, it's RAW. What kind of inhumane creatures ARE these Who's anyway?!

I had wild kingdom going on in my kitchen earlier this evening. I couldn't get to the camera in time, but I swear to you, the cat was on her back and the poodle was given it to her in missionary position. Then the chin was given it to the poodle doggie style. The poodle was giving this happy whine the entire time. It was pretty damned freaky. And I was laughing my frigging ass off!

Talking about laughing my ass off, you need to go here and watch "CELL PHONES & CAR ADS". The ending is hillarious. I had somehow missed that Foamy and my Bear was kind enough to tell me about it.

Well, gotta run...

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I have the flu.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Things I would like for Christmas, Yule, Hanukkah, Kwanza... Seriously, if you just feel like buying me something, I'd be purty excited over any of the following:

Foamy the Squirrel DVD Vol. 1

Foamy the Squirrel DVD Vol. 2

Foamy the Squirrel DVD Vol. 3

Squirrelly Wrath Thong

Squirelly Wrath Spaghetti strap to match above thong

Human Idiocy T-Shirt

Dead Squirrel Society T-Shirt

Zen of Anger T-Shirt

Stab You With Hot French Fry T-Shirt

I wear a size medium top. I do have some hips, so I'd need a large for the thong.


Monday, November 06, 2006

Gift Cards Make Horrible Gifts

Bear was given a gift card in July for a bookstore. Nearest one? Almost an hour away. Shop online? Evidently not all gift cards can be used online. I had to call customer service and argue with this woman that even though the store was only "X" miles away, it was still nearly an hour's worth of driving. Wasn't about to do that for $20. Her surperviser finally agreed to convert my GC to an online gift certificate.

I current have other gift cards that I've tried to use online (nearest store is 1 1/2 hours away) and the very FEW items my children have asked are all "Available in store only." The clearance crap and junk is about all you can fine at the online store.

There were the Toys R Us cards my kids received one year. Spent over an hour round trip in travel time so the kids could pay 15% more than they would have if they had the choice to shop after holiday sales near our home.

And then you have to LOVE LOVE LOVE when you get $20 for here and $25 for there and $15 for somewhere else. Wanted one nice item? Not a chance, can't combine them. Plus you have to drive, drive, drive to all of the individual stores. You spend more in gas than was on the gift cards to begin with. And if you do try to shop online and are lucky enough for them to have what you wanted, it's $8 in shipping. So in reality, instead of receiving a $20 gift, you actually received a $12 gift.

I'm going to make that simple for those of you with not so complex minds: If the receivee has to shop online because you gave them a gift card for a store they can't get to, you threw away $8 of a $20 gift card.

Look people, you wanna REALLY be thoughtful? Give an AmEx or MasterCard gift card. Better yet, send a check. That way you know it's going to fit. And maybe the intended gift reciever would like to save their Christmas and B-Day money to help pay for a car when they turn 16 in three years instead of buying something now.

Cash is king. No matter what anyone says. Cash is the best gift you can give unless you know EXACTLY what the person wants. Some say I don't put enough thought into gifts for people. Truth is, I've given this LOTS of thought. I either make them something or I let them buy what they want.

One day my nieces and nephews will be adults and they'll say, "My Aunt Krystal was the best. She gave us CASH and we always got what we wanted."

Happy pre-holiday shopping...

Saturday, November 04, 2006

In the news today...

Doogie Howser is gay. That's news?

Boy George was intimately involved with a male band member. When it went bad, the band broke up. Again, that's news?

Madonna might adopt another child. Good for her and the child she adopts.

Some dweeb writer at AOL thinks I can have my house "sparkling" in just 19 minutes a day. Maybe if I were single.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

A few observations...

This Man has got to be OCD. Come on, the man took a picture of himself EVERY DAY from January 11, 2000-July 31, 2006. That would be 2,356 pictures. He calls it "a work in progress." Alrighty then. I really do like the music playing in the background though. I'm sure he'll win an award from Hollywood.

And then this wonderful new single from Gwen Stefani ("Wind it Up") just bothers me. I mean, I never could understand the purpose of "There Ain't No Hollar Back Girl" (spelling "banana"...HUH??) This one has me even more baffled. It's starts off with yodeling from "The Sound of Music". Quite odd. Is what she does considered music?

Try playing OCD Man and The Musically Challenged one at the same time. It's funny.

Then there's Borat. Need I say more?

Strange But True...

Bear went to the bank today. He found it swarmed with cops. He asked if it was robbed. Yes, indeed it was. Did they catch the man? Yes, they did. You see, the bank robber made his getaway on his bicycle which he road to the other side of the strip plaza. He then got off his bike and sat down at the bench, well in view from the bank, to wait for the city bus to come and take him home.

Sorta makes you just wanna say, "Give the money back and you're free to go. Obviously you're too much of a fuck-nut to do real harm." Could you imagine his conversations in prison on how he got caught...

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

"You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq." -Fuck Nut, I mean sen. john kerry (lack of capitalization intentional)