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I took the kids to the drive-in to see Barnyard. The movie disturbed me. Let me tell you why...

All the cows were heifers.

ALL of them. Ben and Otis (father/son), the MALES who did the protection of the barnyard, had huge, engorged udders where their bullness should have been and no horns. Now, I'm not sayin' that Ben and Otis should have had huge bull dicks or anything. I'm just sayin' that the farmer didn't have huge breasts and the male dog didn't have teats. So WHY did Ben and Otis have udders?

It bothered me the entire movie. SERIOUSLY.

And I wasn't the only one. Everyone at that drive-in now think that those people out in California are stupid.

Beyond any comprehension.

They're stupid.

Look, my 13-year-old didn't grow up on a farm. He's never seen a bull up close. But he noticed. He knows that male cows don't have udders. So what the f*ck is WRONG with those people???

Look...

This is a heifer. See the lovely udders???

This is a bull. No udders, just a dick and horns.

This isn't rocket science. I need to send these images to someone in charge. Maybe I'll send them so someone at Paramount and Nickelodeon. Hmmmm...

Suddenly, I like Britney...

I've often wondered what the draw was to Lindsay Lohan. So when there was a set of photos of her in various bathing suits I decided to see for myself.

The girl has no hips. No shape. No figure real figure of any kind. Her legs are skinny and scrawny. She looks like a boy with boobs. Seriously, I don't get it. She looks undernourished.

And she's an airhead.

Every quote I've read of hers makes her sounds stupid. STUPID.

And Hillary Duff? Eat a damn Big Mac or three. Your head is way too big for your body. That goes for Nicole Ritchie as well.

Ritchie use to have this cute little figure until she went on a hunger strike.

Now she's a walking stick (that's an insect that looks like a stick...saw one the other day...the country is cool like that).

The only thing I can conclude is that these girls aren't as well off as we all think. They must not be able to afford food. I'm thinking about starting a fund to feed undernourished starlets...because DAMN! they look like they could pose as starving children for one of those feed the world organizations.

Seriously.

Breast Implants Save Israeli from Rocket

Rueters
Updated: 6:11 p.m. CT Aug 15, 2006

JERUSALEM - An Israeli woman's breast implants saved her life when she was wounded in a Hezbollah rocket attack during Israel's war with the Lebanese group, a hospital spokesman said Tuesday.

Doctors found shrapnel embedded in the silicone implants, just inches from the 24-year-old’s heart.

"She was saved from death," said a spokesman for Nahariya Hospital in northern Israel. The woman has been released from hospital.

I saw the Chippendales last night.

I. Touched. This. Man.

Unfortunately I left my camera at home so I downloaded this one from the Chippendales website. The city ordinance for where they were performing prohibits them from removing their pants. So they dropped them to their ankles and bent over for us instead. OMGoddess!

Anyway, his name is Michael Riece and he's from Down Under and has THE sexiest voice. I wrapped my arms around him and OMGoddess!

Well, that's all I have to say. Remember, Ladies, save a horse, ride a cowboy!

YEEEEE-HAAAAAAWWW!

This post is for Batman and Sonia specifically, as they are into politics. I most sincerely hope that you'll all go check it out though. It is a movie which PROVES that many of the photos coming out of Lebanon showing all sorts of death and destruction are FALSE. There are even pictures of people pretending to be dead just for the photo shoot.

This is important, no matter what side of the controversy you're on.

Proof of false pictures coming out of Lebanon

Meet my new babies, George and Gracie. We hope that they'll have babies. They're fainting goats, so if you scare them, they pass out.

George is the boy. He has huge nuts (picture to be posted in the future).

Gracie is the girl. She likes to meet you when you go to see her. She loves to be petted, loved and held.

This is our other new family member. Her name is Princess Matty. Katelynn the dog likes to paly with her.

Guard dog destroys Elvis' $75K teddy bear & others

LONDON - A guard dog has ripped apart a collection of rare teddy bears, including one once owned by Elvis Presley, during a rampage at a children’s museum.

“He just went berserk,” said Daniel Medley, general manager of the Wookey Hole Caves near Wells, England, where hundreds of bears were chewed up Tuesday night by the 6-year-old Doberman pinscher named Barney.

Barney ripped the head off a brown stuffed bear once owned by the young Presley during the attack, leaving fluffy stuffing and bits of bears’ limbs and heads on the museum floor. The bear, named Mabel, was made in 1909 by the German manufacturer Steiff.

The collection, valued at more than $900,000, included a red bear made by Farnell in 1910 and a Bobby Bruin made by Merrythought in 1936.

The bear with Elvis connections was owned by English aristocrat Benjamin Slade, who bought it at an Elvis memorabilia auction in Memphis, Tenn., and had loaned it to the museum.
“I’ve spoken to the bear’s owner and he is not very pleased at all,” Medley said.
A security guard at the museum, Greg West, said he spent several minutes chasing Barney before wrestling the dog to the ground.

Oh wow. Where oh where do I start? Let's see: The man who owned the $75,000 Elvis teddy bear isn't happy. REALLY?!?! Please tell me you weren't surprised by that one. But who the hell pays $75,000 for a teddy bear anyway? and if you do, wouldn't you have it preserved in casing to prevent air (and evidently dogs...) from getting it? All fabric deteriorates over time when left vulnerable to air and bugs.

I'd also like to know why a collection worth nearly a million dollars wasn't behind glass? If you go to the link you see all of these teddy bears just sitting out. Okay, so teddy bears are cute and cuddly, but we're talking nearly a million damn dollars. It doesn't take much of a brainiac to figure out that they shouldn't be sitting out in the open.

As for the dog, HE'S A DOG! You leave out stuffed fuzzy things and he's gonna go "berzerk"! He was like a kid in a candy store, except he was a dog in a toy store. Have any of you ever known a dog that DIDN'T like to chew something that was stuffed? I'm sure he was just looking for the one that squeaked. Why should it surprise anyone that the dog did what dogs do?

Sounds like a bunch of imbeciles were in charge. But hey, that's just me.