"And thou shalt call her name Dumb Ass, for she shall be an idiot amoung dogs."

I know, she looks adorable, and she is. But truly, she's stupid. Last night we were hiding out in the basement waiting for the tornadoes to go away. Dumb Ass got up on one of the shelves in the laundry room. She got into my soap making supplies. She pulled out a bottle of castor oil. She chewed off the lid. She drank half a bottle.

Now some of you are already going, "Oh! My! NOOOOOO!" For those unaware of the effects of ingesting castor oil: it's a super laxative. I couldn't leave her outside. We were finally out of the tornado warning (tornados in the area) but were still under a watch for several hours (conditions are ripe). Plus, she sleeps in a crate so I was just hoping to get her outside as soon as she whined to go.

No such luck.

Whatever you can imagine, multiply it by 10...100...1000! Her cage was full of brown, slimy waterish...stuff. It was on her. It was on the floor. She shot it out her ass onto the brick wall.

Do you know how to get that stuff off of real bricks and mortar? You scrub it with a tooth brush and hot soapy bleach water. You open all the windows and bring in a small oscillating fan to blow the fumes away from you (super fumes because you clean the the stuff off the floor with straight bleach first so you can get to the wall). You have to do this so you don't gag to death and pass out. Then you scrub...for 45 minutes.

Yes, her name shall henceforth be known as Dumb Ass.