Who else does NOT know what the heck "prada" is???

What I do while IM-ing with a friend...

Things you should know:

1. When you're boiling eggs, if you forget they are there and let all of the water boil away, the eggs will explode with a loud pop. This makes a mess. But it was so funny that the kids and I watched another explode.

2. If you feed a dog watermelon, they get diarrhea. This makes a mess. It is not fun to clean up. That's why I made the kids do it (HEY! They're the ones who fed the dog mellon in the first place.)

3. And this is what it looks like to drive behind a covered wagon:

So it's 5:30 in the morning and I'm at the computer. Why oh why would Miss Krystal be on the computer at this way too early time of day? Because of the new bed we bought.

It feels EXACTLY like a Tempur Pedic, but is better made and costs a lot less. AND IS JUST AS FIRM, which the lady assured me up one side and down the other that it is not. She said it felt NOTHING like a Tempur Pedic and that it was super ultra soft. NO WAY could this mattress be considered firm. Lying bitch! Anyway, there was this awesome review online and I checked up on the award they'd been given by the orthopedic association. Sounded like a good idea, and if I liked Tempur Pedics it would have been awesome because you save a nice chunk of money buying it directly from the manufacturer.

I. Will. Never. Do. That. Again.

They ask to give them 48 hours before deciding on whether or not you like the mattress. I've given them a full week. My back hurts like it always does on too firm of a mattress (BTW, three of the children described it as firm and my daughter described is as "hard"). I don't know how on this planet people sleep on firm mattresses! I went to bed a little after midnight last night. Between then and about 5:15 this morning I woke up NINE TIMES with an appendage "asleep" and tingling or a severe aching shoulder (all caused from pressure points from a firm bed). The last two times I had buzzing in my head to go with the asleep arm, leg, aching shoulder, whatever. That's an average of once every 38 minutes. And of course I have to find another position and wait for my limb to stop tingling or the ache to subside before falling back to sleep, so it isn't like I actually slept for 38 minutes inbetween. This can only happen with pressure points, which aren't suppose to exist on memory foam types of beds.

Anyway, it's been a week and it is getting worse instead of better as time goes by.

Today I will have to go out and find a twin sized mattress to fit into our bedroom next to the king sized bed that I'd like to douse with lighter fluid and throw a match on (after hauling it outside of course so the entire house didn't go up in flames). I swear to you, I slept better on the blow up Aero mattress than I do on this super firm POS.

Soft my ass! As compared to what? CONCRETE?!?!

Happy Father's Day, Daddy.

I sure miss you,

And it doesn't hurt any less

the longer you're gone.

My heart still aches

and I still cry,

for you.

I would like to know G-d's purpose for chiggers. Anyone? I have them...on the sides of my breasts and under my breasts. I suppose that's better than my crotch.

OH! Like the sunburn? Ain't it purdy??? Just another reason for me to play with my own tits...I mean scratch my breasts uncontrollably. I'm just really grateful that I chose to go to the lake to sunbath instead of laying out topless in my backyard like I had considered.

For those who are cocking your head sideways in confused, that is my cleavage. I know that many of you are use to the purky breasts of women who have not had children or the purky breasts of women who have been sucked, tucked and stuffed. I do not fall into either of those categories. My once "bodacious ta-ta's" (as they were called in high school) have sustained five little lives for a combined six years of breast feeding. That makes them bodacious in a different kind a way...a way that says purky breasts are NOT the end all.

And of course I don't have to worry about a stray needle popping one of them either.

Anyone remember those old Idaho Potato commercials? Well, for some reason, "Heigh-ho, I'm from Idaho!" popped into my head a few minutes ago. Then I happened to think how poorly the same one-liner would go over today: "Hey, Ho! I'm from Idaho!" First, calling people a "Ho" these days isn't too bright. Second, who gives a rat's ass where you're from? Just a random thought from a chigger ridden, sun baked brain.

My dog has gas. I. Think. I. Might. Get. Sick.

Bear's been here... Krystal did a very good thing for him last night...well a few good things for him last night...

My work here is finished.

Squirrel goes berserk at church

A Day in the Life of Krystal in the KountryThis is a woodchuck, AKA a groundhog.

So why am I posting a picture of one? Because I had one of these suckers run out in front of my van yesterday afternoon. I screamed and slammed my breaks! The cute little guy ran under the van between the front and back axles (while it was still moving) and made it through to the other side UNSCATHED. He was a quick li'l critter!

Of course, I wasn't sure if he was alright or not immediately. I didn't see a smooshed corpse in the road, but for all I knew the cuddly little thing made it across the road and then dropped dead of a heart attack upon reaching his destination. Or maybe I just hit part of him and he was able to make it across the country road through shear momentum. I had to make sure, for peace of mind you know. I didn't want the guilt of taking this brown fuzz ball's life for no reason. I don't mind killing an animal for food. That's okay. However, killing an animal and leaving it is not okay. I really REALLY wanted this animal to not be hurt. I wasn't in the mood to scoop up roadkill, I don't know how to skin a woodchuck, and I have no recipes for Road Kill Stew. So I made a five-point-turn (that's what it takes in a gas-guzzling vehicle like mine on a back country road) so I could check. I didn't see him anywhere. So now I'm driving a ways in the opposite direction I need to go in so I could find an area of road that's straight and not curving and isn't between hills so I could turn around again without fear of being rammed by a speeding pick up truck, of which there are plenty.

And most of them are red.

Eventually I found a place to turn my vehicle around. I was totally THRILLED upon my return to find the sweet thing eating on the side of the road. The groundhog was fine. WHEW! I really needed to know that or else I would have worried all night about the poor thing. He was so adorable! He did take off once he recognized my huge mammoth mode of transportation coming back at him. I guess he figured that The Thing almost got him once and he wasn't taking another chance at "Crossing the Road Russian Roulette". THE THING is a formidable opponent (or so the tale goes with the lovable fury woodland creatures). I was happy to watch him run off into the woods nearby knowing he was going to be okay.

I truly hope that your day is a little brighter now that I've shared a wee bit of joy from A Day in the Life of Krystal in the Kountry.

What's wrong with Mr. & Mrs. Smith???

Why am I bringing this up? For two reasons: First, I almost died a couple weeks ago when my son called our minister by his first name. Second, people wonder why today's youth has a respect issue when it comes to adults. Well hell! Maybe it's because they call us by our first names! That puts us on the same level. DUUUUUUHHHH! It's not frigging rocket science here.

Growing up I called adults by their last name. It showed respect. My best friend's parents were Mr. and Mrs. "Smith" until I was THIRTY. I want to know what is wrong with that? Why am I "Miss Krystal" instead of "Mrs. Kelly" to a five-year-old? I even had a neighbor once tell my children to call her by her first name ONLY. Uh, NO! My children were instructed that at no time were they ever to call an adult by their first name alone...EVER. People say, "Oh, they need to feel comfortable with you." No, they need to remember that they are FIVE and I am NOT their little friend. I'm an adult and they are NOT on my level.

Children do not need to call adults by their first names to have some sort of "feeling" for adults anyway. I never did, and I had several adults that I felt really comfortable with. Now, we had a few friends who were like family to us. They were "Aunt" and "Uncle" So-n-So. But I NEVER called any of my parent's friends of my friend's parents by their first names. Besides that, I don't think that it's smart to let a my son's teenage friends feel "comfortable" with me as an adult anyway. I want them to have a certain fear and respect for me. AND I want them to know that if there is a problem, I'm not their little buddy, I'm an adult and I can handle the situation.

I don't particularily like being "Miss Krystal". I should be "MRS. KELLY". And I want to know what the problem is with that. Because I don't see one.