So many things to tell you...

Let's see, we had our first EGG!!! Fresh from our hen's backside! Isn't it PUR-DY?!
Yesterday I actually watched an egg fall out of Gordy's butt. For some reason, this excites me.

After the egg laying decided to lay out in the sun for a while. It was in the high 70's, but with the sun right on me it felt warmer. I laid out totally nekkid because WHO'S GONNA SEE ME???? Yeah, I walked around nekkid as a jay-bird for a while too because WHO'S GONNA SEE ME???? I love my country life.

I've been up since 4:00 a.m. You see, last night Bear said he was thinking about me and then he thought about tornados. Being the superstitious person I am, when it began storming terribly outside at 4:00 this morning (I swear we had lightning that shook the house), I just KNEW that we were going to have a tornado. So I didn't sleep.

That's why it makes sense that I ate chili at 8:00 this morning because I'd already been up for four hours.

I like chili.

Second post of the day...

You go, WILLIE!!!

Willie Nelson Cited for Drug Possession

LAFAYETTE, La. (Sept. 18) - Willie Nelson and four others were issued misdemeanor citations for possession of narcotic mushrooms and marijuana after a traffic stop Monday morning on a Louisiana highway, state police said.

The citations were issued after a commercial vehicle inspection of the country music star's tour bus, state police said in a news release.

"When the door was opened and the trooper began to speak to the driver, he smelled the strong odor of marijuana," the news release said. A search of the bus produced 1 1/2 pounds of marijuana and 0.2 pounds of narcotic mushrooms, according to state police.

Nelson's publicist, Elaine Shock, declined immediate comment.

Also cited were Tony Sizemore, 59, of St. Cloud, Fla.; Bobbie Nelson, 75, of Briarcliff, Texas; Gates Moore, 54, of Austin, Texas; and David Anderson, 50, of Dallas.

Each was released after being issued a citation.

Nelson, 73, has recorded songs including "On the Road Again" and "City of New Orleans."

Fuck.
Fuck, fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Yup, still shitty...

I had a shitty first half of the day. Anyone else?

My Father's Last Dance

It was November '03. My in-laws and my parents were at our house in Florida. My father-in-law was playing the piano and my parents were singing. My Dad's voice grew tired and he just listened to my Mom and father-in-law. I asked him to dance. I helped him out of his wheelchair and supported him while we danced. I don't remember the song. I remember him getting tears in his eyes because he hadn't danced since his stroke December 2000. He never thought he would dance again.

Dance With my Father Again

Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then
Spend me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved

If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
How I'd love love love to dance with my father again

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me(yeah, yeah)
Then finally make me do just what my momma said
Later that night, when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me

If I could steal
One final glance
One final step
One final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
Cause I'd love love love to dance with my father again

Please Vote for my New Icon

Choice 1

Choice 2

I took the kids to the drive-in to see Barnyard. The movie disturbed me. Let me tell you why...

All the cows were heifers.

ALL of them. Ben and Otis (father/son), the MALES who did the protection of the barnyard, had huge, engorged udders where their bullness should have been and no horns. Now, I'm not sayin' that Ben and Otis should have had huge bull dicks or anything. I'm just sayin' that the farmer didn't have huge breasts and the male dog didn't have teats. So WHY did Ben and Otis have udders?

It bothered me the entire movie. SERIOUSLY.

And I wasn't the only one. Everyone at that drive-in now think that those people out in California are stupid.

Beyond any comprehension.

They're stupid.

Look, my 13-year-old didn't grow up on a farm. He's never seen a bull up close. But he noticed. He knows that male cows don't have udders. So what the f*ck is WRONG with those people???

Look...

This is a heifer. See the lovely udders???

This is a bull. No udders, just a dick and horns.

This isn't rocket science. I need to send these images to someone in charge. Maybe I'll send them so someone at Paramount and Nickelodeon. Hmmmm...

Suddenly, I like Britney...

I've often wondered what the draw was to Lindsay Lohan. So when there was a set of photos of her in various bathing suits I decided to see for myself.

The girl has no hips. No shape. No figure real figure of any kind. Her legs are skinny and scrawny. She looks like a boy with boobs. Seriously, I don't get it. She looks undernourished.

And she's an airhead.

Every quote I've read of hers makes her sounds stupid. STUPID.

And Hillary Duff? Eat a damn Big Mac or three. Your head is way too big for your body. That goes for Nicole Ritchie as well.

Ritchie use to have this cute little figure until she went on a hunger strike.

Now she's a walking stick (that's an insect that looks like a stick...saw one the other day...the country is cool like that).

The only thing I can conclude is that these girls aren't as well off as we all think. They must not be able to afford food. I'm thinking about starting a fund to feed undernourished starlets...because DAMN! they look like they could pose as starving children for one of those feed the world organizations.

Seriously.

Breast Implants Save Israeli from Rocket

Rueters
Updated: 6:11 p.m. CT Aug 15, 2006

JERUSALEM - An Israeli woman's breast implants saved her life when she was wounded in a Hezbollah rocket attack during Israel's war with the Lebanese group, a hospital spokesman said Tuesday.

Doctors found shrapnel embedded in the silicone implants, just inches from the 24-year-old’s heart.

"She was saved from death," said a spokesman for Nahariya Hospital in northern Israel. The woman has been released from hospital.

I saw the Chippendales last night.

I. Touched. This. Man.

Unfortunately I left my camera at home so I downloaded this one from the Chippendales website. The city ordinance for where they were performing prohibits them from removing their pants. So they dropped them to their ankles and bent over for us instead. OMGoddess!

Anyway, his name is Michael Riece and he's from Down Under and has THE sexiest voice. I wrapped my arms around him and OMGoddess!

Well, that's all I have to say. Remember, Ladies, save a horse, ride a cowboy!

YEEEEE-HAAAAAAWWW!

This post is for Batman and Sonia specifically, as they are into politics. I most sincerely hope that you'll all go check it out though. It is a movie which PROVES that many of the photos coming out of Lebanon showing all sorts of death and destruction are FALSE. There are even pictures of people pretending to be dead just for the photo shoot.

This is important, no matter what side of the controversy you're on.

Proof of false pictures coming out of Lebanon

Meet my new babies, George and Gracie. We hope that they'll have babies. They're fainting goats, so if you scare them, they pass out.

George is the boy. He has huge nuts (picture to be posted in the future).

Gracie is the girl. She likes to meet you when you go to see her. She loves to be petted, loved and held.

This is our other new family member. Her name is Princess Matty. Katelynn the dog likes to paly with her.

Guard dog destroys Elvis' $75K teddy bear & others

LONDON - A guard dog has ripped apart a collection of rare teddy bears, including one once owned by Elvis Presley, during a rampage at a children’s museum.

“He just went berserk,” said Daniel Medley, general manager of the Wookey Hole Caves near Wells, England, where hundreds of bears were chewed up Tuesday night by the 6-year-old Doberman pinscher named Barney.

Barney ripped the head off a brown stuffed bear once owned by the young Presley during the attack, leaving fluffy stuffing and bits of bears’ limbs and heads on the museum floor. The bear, named Mabel, was made in 1909 by the German manufacturer Steiff.

The collection, valued at more than $900,000, included a red bear made by Farnell in 1910 and a Bobby Bruin made by Merrythought in 1936.

The bear with Elvis connections was owned by English aristocrat Benjamin Slade, who bought it at an Elvis memorabilia auction in Memphis, Tenn., and had loaned it to the museum.
“I’ve spoken to the bear’s owner and he is not very pleased at all,” Medley said.
A security guard at the museum, Greg West, said he spent several minutes chasing Barney before wrestling the dog to the ground.

Oh wow. Where oh where do I start? Let's see: The man who owned the $75,000 Elvis teddy bear isn't happy. REALLY?!?! Please tell me you weren't surprised by that one. But who the hell pays $75,000 for a teddy bear anyway? and if you do, wouldn't you have it preserved in casing to prevent air (and evidently dogs...) from getting it? All fabric deteriorates over time when left vulnerable to air and bugs.

I'd also like to know why a collection worth nearly a million dollars wasn't behind glass? If you go to the link you see all of these teddy bears just sitting out. Okay, so teddy bears are cute and cuddly, but we're talking nearly a million damn dollars. It doesn't take much of a brainiac to figure out that they shouldn't be sitting out in the open.

As for the dog, HE'S A DOG! You leave out stuffed fuzzy things and he's gonna go "berzerk"! He was like a kid in a candy store, except he was a dog in a toy store. Have any of you ever known a dog that DIDN'T like to chew something that was stuffed? I'm sure he was just looking for the one that squeaked. Why should it surprise anyone that the dog did what dogs do?

Sounds like a bunch of imbeciles were in charge. But hey, that's just me.

I'm going to have a political moment.

Anyone who thinks that Israel should just accepted having Hezbollah cross the border, kidnap Israeli citizens and shell Israel (July 12, 2006) and NOT retaliate is a dumb-ass. Not to be redundant, with the term dumb-ass, but you are a world class DUMB-ASS. Or as my daughter would say, you're a dumb-o. Or in Sonia's words, you're an Ass Clown.

I am truly truly sorry for the loss of innocent life in Lebanon, but THEIR OWN GOVERNMENT is to blame. They willingly CHOSE Hezbollah over helping to retrieve INNOCENT people. They willingly CHOSE Hezbollah's shelling and attacking of Israel. Israel has no choice. They have to take out Hezbollah where they are. Unfortunately, they are hiding behind civilians...because terrorists are cowards! Either Israel goes after where missiles are being fired from, or they sit back and watched their own INNOCENT civilians die. Why isn't the world crying over the Israeli women and children that have been killed as a result of Hezbollah's numerous attack on them FROM LEBANON?

Wait, I know, because the killing of Jews in this world is perfectly acceptable. That's right. You see, Hitler should have exterminated them a long time ago, now we're just suppose to sit back and not only let it happen, but feel sorry for those who are killed when the Jews try to defend themselves.

Forgive me for being so obviously obtuse.

War sucks, I know this. Innocent people die, I know this too. Just don't forget who started this conflict though...and it WAS. NOT. Israel.

Let's see...

At 9:05 AM local time (04:05 UTC), on 12 July 2006, Hezbollah initiated a rocket and mortar attack on Israeli military positions and on the towns of Even Menahem and Mattat, injuring 11 soldiers and civilians. Afterwards, a ground contingent of Hezbollah militants attacked two Israeli armored Humvees on a routine patrol along the Israel-Lebanon border near the Israeli village of ZarÂ’it with anti-tank rockets, capturing two Israeli soldiers, and killing three, with a further five killed when a Tank hit a mine 6 km inside Lebanese territory.[1]

And why did this happen? Because Hezbollah wants the release of some Arab prisoners being held in Israel, specifically, the "Lebanese militant Samir Kuntar, jailed in Israel since a 1979 attack in the northern town of Nahariyah, in which he entered an apartment and murdered three family members and an Israeli police officer."

Lovely.

And those are the people you support when you say that Israel should back off.

Too many people are dumb-asses...Seriously

Alrighty then, let's go through this AGAIN for the terminally brain dead. Not every email you receive in you box is true or accurate. Just because there is a name and phone number at the bottom does not mean it is true. ANYONE could look up a name and number and add it to make it look official. You should check the shit out before you forward a bunch of lies to people.

Listen, if you do not know by now that gang members are NOT driving around without headlights on Friday and Saturday nights waiting to be flashed so they can hunt you down to kill you as an initiation YOU ARE AN IDIOT! Not only that, but if you actually used your head and thought for just one FRIGGING second you would say, "Hey, if that were true, it would be all over the news." Hmmmmmm, people, stop sitting on your brains and try using them.

As for Martin Luther King, yeah, some of that stuff is true, but just enough to make it look credible. The rest is a pack of lies. The place is called SNOPES. Try checking on the veracity of the shit you send out before you flood my email. Mkay?

And yes, McDonald's imports some of their meat. WHY? Because their demand cannot be filled by the American ranchers. They HAVE to buy from outside of the U.S. or else you won't be able you purchase heart attacks on a bun. And don't worry, you aren't eating WORM meat either!

You people who not only believe this crap, but send it out, need to be slapped.

You piss me off.

You're stupid.

Fuck off.

Several large trash bags.

That's what I will be taking to the dump and to donation. WHY? Excellent question! I asked my sons to clean their room. Without going into too much detail, that request was followed by 45 minutes of whining and complaining and arguing and fighting becasue no one wanted to clean the mess. When I was finally told to go inspect, stuff had been shoved into the corners, under chairs and in the closet. I think the topper though was when...

Bear, please sit down...

I walked to the other closet and found this brown stuff on the floor. What was it? Shit! It was dried shit! You see #4 has gotten into the habit of waiting until the very last minute to go to the bathroom and his shit fell out his pants all over the floor. In an attempt to clean it up without mom finding out, he rubbed it into the carpet.

No.
One.
Told.
Me.

And now it is dried and crusted in the carpet. I will do my best to get it out, Bear.

So, amid tears, they have to take EVERYTHING that is not in its place and throw it away. And there will be no more. They are now on lawn bag #4...

I. Am. Tired.

I am tired of being tired.

That said, I've not been in much of a mood to blog. I'm not much in the mood to read other people's blogs either. Truth is, I spend most of my day just trying to keep my eyes open.

I.
Need.
Someone.
To.
Buy.
My.
Other.
House.

Blah...blah...blah...

HEY! Did I tell y'all that I rode in and then drove a tractor?! Didn't think so. Here's a handy dandy picture.


We were pulling a brush hog (giant grass cutter for really tall weeds and hay...if you fall in, you're dead). Isn't it a nice purty red??? Real tractors are red. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. But no matter what color they are, I get tickled every time I see one driving down the road.

I need a goat. This is a Nubian goat. Isn't it cute??? Goats eat brush for you so you don't have to clear it out yourself. They eat thistles and thorny brush without hestitation. Cool. I've had several people tell me to get one goat with a long chain and then move the stake every few days to clean out all around my house and some of the brush under the trees in the fields that we couldn't bushhog. I think goats are cute. I wouldn't mind haven't one. I have a barn it could stay in when it got real cold. I could just stake her right in the middle and feed her during the winter. Yahhhhhh...I want a goat.

Alrighty, I'm gonna go make dinner before I fall asleep.

My altar...

A Day in the Life of Krystal in the Kountry

Children of the Corn

We have a corn field next to us. I was walking past it a few nights ago at late dusk when I thought to myself, "Hey, that corn is so high that someone could hide in it." Then I remembered that Stephen King story "Children of the Corn". It creeped me out. I had to force myself to keep my normal walking pace and convince myself that no one was going to jump out of the corn and chase me down with a scythe or sickle.

THE corn field of THE children

When I was safely past the corn field, I looked around at the dense trees and brush that now engulfed me. While walking between them in the now total darkness, I heard the night creatures rustling the grasses and leaves. A new thought came to me: Someone could have tracked me through the corn, ducked behind the barn and then darted into the woods right beside me!

Where the critters hide. At night it's creepy alone.

I start telling myself, "Stop being such a woman! Get it together!" Just then, as though on cue, a bat dive bombed my head! I kid you not! I covered myself with my arms, ducked and screamed.

I ran up the rest of that hill to my house and locked the door behind me.

The End