Okay, now THIS is just too funny. Fred, in particular, should like it. It reminded me of our good ol' egg running days...

HEY!!! It just occurred to me that MAYBE the reason I want chickens is linked to our egg run days. Every time I collect eggs I'm sure I'll be looking for someone to throw them at. Yeah...and I have five moving targets to take aim at...yeah...

Did I ever mention that a few months ago I smashed a raw egg on top of my six-year-old's head just for fun? I had this overwhelming urge to smash and egg, and there he was, all trusting with those brown eyes of his when I called him over. He looked up at me adoringly. Then I smashed the egg on his head and laugh hysterically.

I think I might have been stoned.

Let's see...

I made strawberry jam.
I made apple butter.

I'm working on a quilt.

Yeah, I'm enjoying the country life!

The most important order of business today is to wish my Daddy a Happy Birthday. He would have been 73.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

We love you and miss you a lot!

This afternoon I will be making him a carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. It was his favorite. The kids and I will all sing happy birthday to him after dinner. He will always hold a special place in my heart. Maybe I'll take the kids to the local chinese restaurant. Chinese was his favorite too.

Last night was fun. We had just finished dessert and the kids and I were cleaning the kitchen were I heard this sound I hadn't heard in ages. I tell all the kids to hush. I run and open the side door. SHIT! I run to the TV. SHIT! SHIT!! Time to run our asses down to the basement. We lost the lights before making it to the stairs. I lit candles and down we go. I had to run upstairs to grab another candle. Two of the boys were so scared they had to pee. And pee they did, into an empty flower pot. Of course they didn't know that the flower pot had those little holes in the bottom. I now have a carpet downstairs with human child pee on it. Oh well. The tornado hit about thirty miles from here, but we had winds that were upwards of 60 mph and the storm, with the tornado, was heading our way. I could HEAR the damned thing.

Since we are moving into tornado season, I am putting together a tornado kit: two flashlights, extra batteries, some candles and a lighter. I'm going to put these things into a bucket...for pissing in.

Remember that crazy thing Feminoz noticed about how the security letters for posting frequently had something to do with the comment being posted? Well, it just happened to me again! I was replying to a comment about a "Crazy-off" between mothers and my security letters were "heaqz". Notice how incredibly close that comes to spelling "heads" when we're discussing crazy people? Huuuuuuhhhhh? Frightening.

Did I mention that in my little piece of BFE there are two men really fighting it out to win COUNTY CORONOR? Seriously. I see "Elect so-n-so for Corornor" signs all over the place. I saw one sign for something else, but I don't remember what it was. Evidently, the county cororonor position is in high demand. Eeeewwwww.

So I was sitting here reading comments when a post reminded me that I'd forgotten to update you all on my drug addicted, alcoholic, egocentric mother who can't seem to live her life without creating some type of drama. Thank-you, B.J. for mentioning that "millions still believe that [Pat Robertson is] sane." That reminded me of my own insane mother who adores Robertson.

Starting on my birthday, she sent me four emails in three days (still not speaking with her). First she was BEGGING me to speak to her. Could tell in the way it was written that she was wasted. Before I even have a chance to consider this plea (yeah...right) she emails me again. Evidently she has, ONCE AGAIN, turned her life over to...you got it...Christ. She has replaced her "nightly beverage to Root Beer, or Sprite." Anyone here believe that one? I sure as hell don't.

Then she "set me free" as she came to realize the I was not born for her "fulfillment"("hallelujah for this revelation" she says). Several "Praise the Lord"'s later and she set me free from her. My favorite part in all of this though was when she forwarded the "You are free" email to Bear asking him to join her in prayer as she prays "to bind the powers of Satan" who is apparently putting "evil feelings and thoughts" in my mind that are keeping me from wanting to speak to her.

I don't need satan for that one. Thirty-five years of knowing her did the trick.

Of course after all of the above, she tried calling my cell phone to sing "Happy Birthday" to my son. Yeah, right.

My poor husband. If I were him, I'd be worrying about what kind of stock I bred with. Of course, my Daddy was a total gem, so I guess that makes up for it.

I have been awake since 4:30 this morning. Why? Because Kaitlyn the beer-can-chewing dog pissed and shit in her cage. After cleaning it up I laid in bed for an hour waiting for sleep to return.

It didn't.

I'd also like to take this moment to bitch about those fucking award ceremonies that pre-empt my weekly shows. I don't watch many of them: CSI, Desperate Housewives, and Grey's Anatomy. Of course last night I didn't get to watch Desperate Housewives or Grey's Anatomy because of yet another fucking awards show.

WTF???!!! Who really fricking cares to listen to a bunch of Hollywood blow hards go on and on about how they couldn't have done it without ass kissing every fucking person on the planet. They're getting an award for what? Acting? Listen, these people get paid $8-10-20 million dollars to act in a damn movie. I think that's enough already. I want to see my shows.

I know people watch them. Well, what the hell else is there to watch? They always pre-empt the most popular shows and then all the other channels play shit you couldn't PAY people to watch.

Really wanna know how badly people wanna watch the Grammy's, the Golden Globe's, the Emmy's? try putting them on Pay Per View at $10 a pop. See who watches them then.

Remember Dallas and Falcon's Crest? There were like nine straight months of new episodes, minus two weeks for Christmas and New Year and maybe a pre-empting for Miss America. Now you're lucky if you get six new episodes an entire season of your favorite show. Hollywood sucks donkey shit.

And for those people who really DO live for these shows, might I suggest a life of some kind? Listening to speech after speech, name dropping after name dropping, you must have some sorry sucking life to purposely choose to watch that type of drivel go on for FOUR HOURS. Try watching some Senate hearings. At least the drivel there is actually of some importance.

Child #3 came up with a great one a couple days ago. The Eldest asked where his headset was. Child #3 says, "It wasn't my turn to watch YOUR headset," that's the standard line around here. Then he added, "My turn's NEXT Friday." Spoken like a true smart ass. I was so very proud.

And just one more little thing...
someone please shoot this stupid bitch. Her son must be rolling over in his grave. He died a hero and instead of leaving him a hero, she's turned him into a victim. She should be standing tall and proud that her son wasn't a cowardly piece of shit. No, instead she's gotta ruin his memory.

Dumb ass.

BIG NEWS!!!

My eldest turned 13 today. I am now the mother of a teenager...Goddess help me!

There he is, people, on the day he was born. All 8lbs 8oz of him. I'd put up a sweet baby picture, but the fact is, this is the only one I have scanned. All of my other pictures are still in boxes in another state.

It's about time, isn't it???!!!

Robertson Loses Seat on Religious Broadcasters' Board

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. (March 2) - Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson, criticized by some evangelicals for comments about Venezuela's president and Israel's prime minister, lost a bid for re-election to the National Religious Broadcasters' board of directors.

You can read the rest on your own. Personally, I think the man has a few screws loose. Of course, I've thought that for a long time.

My Dog May Have a Serious Problem

...I love beer...yum...BEER...

Please don't take my BEER! Those kids are making me crazy. They won't stop chasing me. They won't leave me alone!

...I need beer...yum...BEER...
BURP!!!
...yup...I love beer...yum...BEER...

The kids were bugging me, so we went to church this morning. Believe it or not, I somehow managed not to burst into flames.

Although there were points when I wish I would have...

I held a chicken today. Then I looked at the picture and realized that sweatshirts make a person look fat(ter).

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Maybe I'm dating myself, but remember waking up Saturday mornings, tiptoeing to the TV and turning it on with the volume low so as not to wake your parents? Even though it wasn't a school day, you had to get up early to see the cartoons. It was something you looked forward to all week long. Everyone had their favorites they just couldn't stand to miss.

Of course there was also School House Rock. I still use those silly songs today to remember certain parts of speach. How else am I to remember what a conjunction is? That's also how I learned about the "Three Ring Circus". I actually felt sad when Bill was Vetoed and dejectedly returned to the front steps of Congress. I was elated when he finally became a Law and would jump around all excited. I own the entire collection now on DVD. It's the only way to see them. Evidently educational filler cartoons are no longer needed.

So you may be asking why the reminiscing. Well, it's Saturday morning and my children are looking for batteries for their headsets instead of being glued to the TV for the long awaited Saturday morning cartoons. There is something wrong with this in my mind. I should have five little spawn crowded on the sofas laughing out loud right now. With the advent of Cartoon Network, Nickelodian, and others, Saturdays morning television no longer has the hold it once did. I ask myself, "What do they have to look forward to on the weekends now?"

Not much.

Now they can see cartoons whenever they wish, and today's cartoons just aren't what ours were twenty-five years ago. My children now watch every episode of Avitar. My children are convinced that they can bend water, earth, fire, and air. I s'pose that isn't bad for their imagination, but Avatar is a soap. Seriously. It's a sopa. What was wrong with light hearted fun cartoons like Tom and Jerry, Scooby Doo (my personal favorite), Bugs Bunny (the earlier ones, not the newer ones), and Daffy Duck? Remember the Hall of Justice and the Legion of Doom (now they've created The Justice League, but the characters are dark and hardened and the story lines more...I don't know...morbid).

Much to my chagrin, I must admit that cartoon quality has dropped tremendously.

Fortunately, Bear and I have instilled in our children the love for OLDER cartoons. Child #2 LIVES for Tom and Jerry. Child #1 likes Popeye. Child #3 likes the old Superman episodes. All of them like Scooby Doo and that "Wascally Wabbit".

I guess it's just disheartening to witness the demised of animation. Even Disney's gone downhill. I know they've put out several new movies over the years, but do any of them REALLY compare to Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, or Bambi? What happened to fun songs like "Hi-Ho" and "Bibbity Bobbity Boo"? No, now we must have songs that can cross over to the main stream music world. Okay, some of them can't, but name me a modern Disney song that falls into the same genre of mice and birds singing, "We can do it! We can do it! We can help the Cinderellie! We can make her dress so pretty! There's nothing to it really!"

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ANIMATED SINGING MICE?!

The movie and cartoon industry seem to think that cartoons need to be more adult like. Well, they need to be geared towards children. I don't remember Raggedy Ann and Andy having asides for adults in it. they didn't fall in love. I really wish that the infamous "THEY" would come back to the knowledge that children need to be children. They need to laugh and giggle at 1,000 lb anvils being dropped on the head of a coyote while the intended victims runs off in a cloud of dust going, "Beep! Beep!" (Another of child #2's favorites). Now THAT was great Saturday morning fun!!!

Happy birthday to me,

Happy birthday to me,

blah...blah...blah...

It's the first birthday in seventeen years that I haven't been with my Bear. It sucks. The flowers he sent me can't be delivered because of the snow (which is quite beautiful though I must say).

By the way...My son is an idiot.

Just because they've really pissed me off and this is the only retaliation I can pursue at this time.

If you even THINK about telling me how insensitive or wrong I am regarding the following post, go fuck yourself. This is MY blog and I reserve the right from time to time to rant about LUNACY that just pisses me off. If anyone reading this truly thinks that the following makes sense and is okay, you're an idiot. You are a true idiot. You're right up there with people who think that rape isn't a sexual crime and that child molesters need our understanding because "they're sick."

If you don't want to read the articles, the pictures I've posted tell the story.

Muslims Assault U.S. Embassy in Indonesia

Alrighty then, the DANISH published caricatures of Muhammad, then some EUROPEAN papers republished them, so the proper response would be, of COURSE, to attack the U.S. embassy because we all know that the U.S. was really behind the cartoons being published in these OTHER countries. Here is a picture of the angry mob:



I love this picture claiming that Muslims spread peace:


REALLY?!?! Then explain these:
Muslim Protestors Attack Danish Consulate, Catholic Church in Beirut

Here's a picture:


Outrage Spreads, Escalates Over Muhammad Cartoons

According to this picture, Jesus is ashamed of the printing of the cartoons. I guess Muhammad is thrilled with the Muslims' violence though.


Or these:






You people disgust me. I will never forget OR EVER FORGIVE your lack of public outrage, which indicates a silent support. Evidently you think it's perfectly alright for YOU all to express yourselves by using suicide bombers to kill Christians and Jews, strapping bombs onto to your own damn children, (great parenting, by the way, I'm impressed, it explains why you're opposed to abortion, you need the children so you can use them as human bombs...fuckers), and flying airplanes into buildings murdering THOUSANDS of innocent people, but printing a caricature of Muhammad is wrong and requires world wide massive response. Wait, let me correct that, a world wide VIOLENT response.

You'll say it's WRONG what the extremist did, but you damn well aren't out there protesting the murder of thousands and thousands of innocent people. I can find hundreds of pictures of you all protesting a cartoon, but not ONE protesting the murders routinely taught and carried out in the name of Muhammad. Where is the outrage for the acts of murderous violence that YOUR PEOPLE have committed? Don't give some bullshit that you have condemned it. When you people want to protest, you pour out into the streets by the thousands! Not ONCE have you done this to tell YOUR OUR PEOPLE to stop.

You protest a cartoon.

Congratulations, you IDIOTS! You just proved that this caricature is right on the money! On behalf of the families of the INNOCENT victims you all don't give a rat's ass about..FUCK YOU ALL!



You may purchase a t-shirt at Metrospy.

I will now return to the mindless, light hearted, sexually oriented material that is the norm for my blog.

Here is our pond.

Our sideyard.

Here is the barn after several hours of snow.

My dog who LOVES the snow.

It's 4:00 a.m. and the kids and I are all bundled up to go play.

IT'S SNOWING!!!!

I've been crying. Tomorrow the kids and I head back up to the new house while my Bear stays down here. I won't see him for six weeks. All joking aside, I'm really going to miss him a lot.

Because I love him and he is my life.

An annonymous poster said that I have a sexy voice and wanted to know if I've ever done phone sex. No, I've never been a professional phone sex person, but I have had sex while I was on the phone. That was interesting and fun. Thanks for asking.

Found out that the wife of a friend of mine totally hates me. Evidently she thinks I'm too friendly. She doesn't like me hugging or touching her husband. For the love of ... geeze ... I guess I have that "man eater" scent about me. ***Krystal makes a deep, throaty, sexy growly sound, begins to crawl across the floor in a cat-like motion and begins to purr by twirling her tongue inside her mouth.*** Yup, better hide your men.

I might be needing one of these and one of these after I return back home. I'm gonna be SIX WEEKS without seeing him. That means six weeks without sex. I can't go six weeks without sex. I haven't gone that long without sex in the sixteen years he's been giving me the high hard one.

Anyone who would like to make a donation towards the purchase of these two desperately needed toys, just let me know. My Bear thinks I'm warped. Isn't he a lucky man...

New Foamy the Squirrel cartoon.

Bears tooth begins to flare back up after having it filled at dentist a few days earlier:

Bear: My tooth is killing me!

Goddess: Let me feel it. *Goddess 'feels' the outside of Bear's mouth.* There is a crack in the filling and a bubble or hole of somekind underneath.

Bear goes to dentist next day...

Dentist: What's wrong?

Bear: My tooth is killing me. My wife says that there is a crack in the filling and a hole underneath it.

Dentist: If your wife a dentist?

Bear: No, if she were a dentist I'd have had her fill it.

Dentist: How does she know what's wrong with your tooth?

Bear: She just does.

Dentist: ***Hesitates*** Okay.

**X-Rays are taken. There is a crack in the new filling and there is a hole underneath. He needs a root canal.**

Now I've mentioned a few times that my mother is slightly overbearing, controlling, manipulative, and a drama queen who will create drama to make herself the center of attention.

Her last set of stunts over the holidays have made me not talke to her. She's been speaking with Bear who has told her that she is not allowed to contact me. She is to go through him only. Two friends and I both said that she would "create" an excuse or drama to justify calling me and yelling at me after the move to bring heaviness to my happiness. My Bear didn't believe us. She'd been telling my Bear that she knows what she did wrong and she hasn't shown me any respect as an adult. She knows that she's wrong to speak to me the way she does and she wasn't going to do it any more because it was wrong. Bear was thinking she was really seeing the error of her way. I truly know better BUT I'm a big hearted person and was thinking to myself that she's been very respectful of my request, supposedly, so I'd drive the kids the 3 1/2 hours to see her.

Then I played the following message on my cell phone, the cell phone for which I had a broken charger and was leaving off to save the batteries until the charger could be replaced. I told Bear about the message and she denied ever leaving one. Fortunately I saved it and played it for him. He called her back to tell her she was busted as a liar.

Now I will share with you all, Good Readers, my mother busted.

Okay, so Bella at Feminoz made a comment about those verification letters being related to your comment. So I made a comment about some freaky shit I did during my pregnancy and BOOM! the first two letters of my verification code are what we call our first son. THEN I make a comment at the Diva's blog about men with hot chests and no shirts and the last letters were "fleh"...just one letter off from the word "FLESH" which is what I what posting about.

I'm truly freaked now.

So I'd like to thank Bella for making me paranoid. I will forever be looking at those codes in a new light. As though I wasn't already a mental mess. Thank-you.